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I have been having a hard time lately. As I try to begin writing I find that the words I am looking for are not coming as easily as I would want them to, which makes me more frustrated, which in turn delays the words further. Ever driven on the 401 or Gardiner during rush hour? Thats how my head is functioning right now, if you can even call that functioning. I'm stuck in that lane that never seems to be moving as fast as the others, and when it does start moving some jackass in a Jag cuts in front of me and my brakes are slammed on. Giving him the finger just gives me a small moment of relief, but then its right back to where I started.

I can't pinpoint when it started, but it was around the start of January-ish, around the time 2nd semester started. Also, I can't pinpoint where this all-around mental block came from. I'm sure it was due to a number of factors such as a heavy school load, too many years of post-secondary education building up, long days, a flood in the apartment causing us to move a couple weeks later, the move itself, financial stuff, a serious lack of exercise and even the time to do it (I couldn't do it most days even if I wanted to, which I do), and other everyday life stuff. But thats just it. Its just regular life stuff. We all get busy, tired, flustered with financial burdens and we all face difficult periods whether they are spontaneous (I'll use the example of a flood) or not. So why is all this stuff affecting me so much? Why has it been dragging me down so much? Its hard to describe the mental impact this has had on me because everyone is just so different. Physically it would resemble climbing, getting ready to shoot up at a crux, and trying to hold on to that overhang for just one more second so you can finally find a good spot for your right foot, or your left hand, just so you can top out and name the damn bastard, but gravity just won't let you. The route never becomes a "future problem thats no longer in the future" (only hippies can say stuff like that and get away with it... Josh Lowell fans would know what I'm talking about).

You know what, I sound like an ass. This paragraph should precede what I just wrote but I just thought of this stuff now, so this is where it goes. There are definite things in my life which give me tons of inspiration and motivation, even clarity. My BEAUTIFUL AMAZING wife Emily. The love I have for that woman is beyond anything my literary prowess could describe... I'm seriously not that good, not at all. Just know that she keeps me going. I love her so much it scares me sometimes. Then there is Ollie. As I write that fat cat's name I smile and get one of many uberfantastic mental images of that guy. He makes me want to come home and he makes this house a home. Oh, and my family is amazing. My parents are the two most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to be in the company of and, no bragging here, just the truth, I've traveled enough to be in the company of many people, good and bad. They win. Hands down. So I do have a lot of amazing things in my life.

But I feel like I'm missing something. There is an internal gap that feels like its starting to push everything further and further apart, to the point where I can't seem to find the thought I'm looking for, or it takes me too long for my liking.

I realized what it was tonight. I have no clue where it came from but I'm hoping its a turn around point. I don't really have a passion for anything right now. I mean, Athletic Therapy is definitely a passion of mine, but when it is accompanied by assignments and ridiculous courses like any one of the 6 psychology courses I have taken in my 3 years at Sheridan it becomes a chore. Those courses are such a waste of time that I don't want to try anymore, honestly, I really couldn't give a rats ass, or the ass of any other rodent for that matter, about those courses. I can do well in them if I want. I can do it but why? Honestly. Why? Tangent, sorry. Where was I? Passion! Thats it. I need it back. I'm craving it. It used to be running, and I think I need to get back to that now. Just plain exercise and working out and nearly killing myself in workouts. I love it! I thrive on that, its probably the best feeling you could have, or at the very least, the best feeling I could have. This summer is going to be a summer of climbing. My schedule will definitely fit it. I'll make my schedule fit it. One of the great things about having a car is that it can take you places when you want it to. Eddie will be my savior this summer.

I feel I have more to write, but I'll end this post here. Its a 'to be continued' kind of post I guess. Here's to hoping the summer comes quickly. What does the Weather Network say about this weekend?