Hook Line N' Sinkers Impressive in Spring Training

But There Is Always Room For Improvement...





By Roscoe Stonewall

HALIBURTON (Haliburton Daily Press Release)
Another winter has passed, and with it so has the weight room sessions, the cardio sessions, time spent with family, and all other ingredients that go into a typical off-season. It is now time, as they say, to play ball. This season, the lights are shining bright on two teams who will make history on opening day by being the first two teams in MLB to be situated in non-metropolitan areas. The Baton Rouge Crustaceans, and the Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers.

Haliburton General Manager Colin Wallace is optimistic about the upcoming season, but, he says, his hopes are not too high. "We have a good team here in Haliburton. The area is known for its friendly atmosphere and lazy way of life, and thats how we play ball. Friendly, and lazy." After a heavy off-season which saw many trades, moves, and shuffling around, Wallace believes he has a team that will do well. "Its a great group here. There are a few alcohol issues we have to deal with, and some of our players have already had counseling, but other than that we seem to be on the right track."

"Thats our aim this year, to find that balance. Sauce and ball."

Famed psychologist Holly Imrie, known for her work with alcoholics and people afraid of extension cords, has become an official member of the Haliburton squad. She has already established herself as a powerful voice in the organization, having personally gone into Anne Cowans' locker and dumping the contents of every bottle she found. The minor victory was short lived, as later that night, the police were called to the residence of Anne Cowans on a noise complaint after her keg party got out of hand. Cowans was found in her front yard on a mechanical bull screaming "I ONLY NEED 8 SECONDS FOR THE GOLD MEDAL!" The bull was motionless. Irregardless of this, Imrie is confident her techniques will result in increased numbers from the Hook Line N' Sinkers. Wallace was the first to note that his team is the only one in the league that employs a psychologist who specializes in alcoholics, but Wallace is also first to note that more teams could use this. "Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Jack Morris, all players who struck a balance between sauce and ball. Thats our aim this year, to find that balance. Sauce and ball."

Everyone in the Hook Line N' Sinkers organization is excited about the upcoming season as well as the fans. A new team, a new stadium which seats 1,304, and 162 games of possibilities. Its a good time to be Haliburtish.


Roscoe Stonewall is a part time columnist for The End Of The Dock and a full time 5-pin bowler. He enjoys short walks on the beach and macramé. Roscoe has written for such publications as Punjab Daily, The Official Light Bulb Lovers Magazine, and Ferns for Happiness. We are greatly indebted to him for agreeing to follow the inaugural season of the Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers.