Who Were The Four Asschunkers?

Recently... Mia Hamm was voted into the the U.S. National Soccer Hall of Fame along with fellow player Julie Foudy and builder Alan Rothenberg. As a prelude to my inevitable ramblings and rages which will make me seem like the biggest soccer fan this beautiful country could be blessed with, I'll admit that I was unaware of the existence of the Soccer Hall of Fame. I mean, I assumed there was one, and by assumed I meant that I never gave it a blade of thought, I just wasn't really surprised to hear that there was one. So hopefully you don't dwell heavily on that, I admitted it, lets all just be grown ups and move past that and onto the matter at hand.

Mia Hamm is no stranger to records, her 158 career international goals is the highest total by any female to ever play the game, and so it came as no shock to this sports "enthusiast" (why did I put the quotations over enthusiast? Not sure but I'll just leave 'em there) that she was inducted into the Hall on February 27th, 2007 with a record number of votes, 137 out of 141 possible votes, an unprecedented 97.16% (beating the previous record of 95.77%). My question is simply this. Who in hell were the four asschunkers that didn't vote for her?!? Are you serious? You sit on the board which elects Hall of Fame members for the sport of soccer in the United States, and you do not have enough sport knowledge, patriotism, or awareness of life itself to vote this woman in unanimously? I realize patriotism might be a stretch, but Ms. Hamm is, arguably (and its a damn good argument with few water leaks, and those leaks may only be there because the argument is too damn heavy for whatever the hell holds arguments. The argument bucket?)... where was I? Oh yeah. She is, arguably (see previous sentence), the best female soccer player to have ever played the game. I would even say she is one of the best, sex organs aside, to have ever played the game in the history of the sport. 158 goalies and 158 twine nets stressed by the immaculate strength of her shot can't be wrong. Immaculate? Thats right. I went there.

137 out of 141. Lets take a look at a few more of her credentials. We have discussed the 158 career international goals; there is the 1991 and 1999 World Cup victories; 1996 and 2004 Olympic Gold Medals; at 15, she was the youngest person (notice this doesn't specify just female) to ever be a member of the U.S. National Team (where she ended up playing 17 years); at age 19 she was the youngest player to win a World Cup; 4-time NCAA Champion (only 4 years of eligibility right? Right.); led the nation in scoring in '90, '92, and '93; graduated with an all-time record for most conference goals (103), assists (72), and points (278). There's more, but lets just stop there. The argument reservoir (the bucket just wasn't big enough) is already reaching critical levels.

137 out of 141. Mia Hamm accomplishes all that while starting her very own foundation (Mia Hamm Foundation) which raises funds for bone marrow research.

137 out of 141. I'm going to go ahead and tell myself to believe that the 4 muffgobblers in question were told not to vote for Mia, and apply some sort of reasoning to it (although its absurd that she didn't get 100%, as previously stated, so I can't guarantee the reasons will be any less absurd). It is possible that they were told to do so, for the simple fact that the perpetual bar could, in the future, always be raised, or so the universe wouldn't implode on itself or something... something to put my mind at ease dammit.

137 out of 141. That statistic is going to stick in my head for a while now. Thanks a lot you short-n'-curly-hair-gaggers. You are fully and solely responsible for any and all insane rants and rages I go on over the course of the next 24-48 hours and whatever deaths they may cause. Think about THAT. Sleep well, and with one eye open. Or I'll Mel Gibson your ass (think Braveheart... the scene with the mace and the horse.) There are 4 of you that need to sleep lightly. There were also 4 "lords" in Braveheart that had their asses handed to them if my memory serves me correctly. I'm not saying coincidence but...