Hook Line N' Sinkers Impressive in Spring Training

But There Is Always Room For Improvement...





By Roscoe Stonewall

HALIBURTON (Haliburton Daily Press Release)
Another winter has passed, and with it so has the weight room sessions, the cardio sessions, time spent with family, and all other ingredients that go into a typical off-season. It is now time, as they say, to play ball. This season, the lights are shining bright on two teams who will make history on opening day by being the first two teams in MLB to be situated in non-metropolitan areas. The Baton Rouge Crustaceans, and the Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers.

Haliburton General Manager Colin Wallace is optimistic about the upcoming season, but, he says, his hopes are not too high. "We have a good team here in Haliburton. The area is known for its friendly atmosphere and lazy way of life, and thats how we play ball. Friendly, and lazy." After a heavy off-season which saw many trades, moves, and shuffling around, Wallace believes he has a team that will do well. "Its a great group here. There are a few alcohol issues we have to deal with, and some of our players have already had counseling, but other than that we seem to be on the right track."

"Thats our aim this year, to find that balance. Sauce and ball."

Famed psychologist Holly Imrie, known for her work with alcoholics and people afraid of extension cords, has become an official member of the Haliburton squad. She has already established herself as a powerful voice in the organization, having personally gone into Anne Cowans' locker and dumping the contents of every bottle she found. The minor victory was short lived, as later that night, the police were called to the residence of Anne Cowans on a noise complaint after her keg party got out of hand. Cowans was found in her front yard on a mechanical bull screaming "I ONLY NEED 8 SECONDS FOR THE GOLD MEDAL!" The bull was motionless. Irregardless of this, Imrie is confident her techniques will result in increased numbers from the Hook Line N' Sinkers. Wallace was the first to note that his team is the only one in the league that employs a psychologist who specializes in alcoholics, but Wallace is also first to note that more teams could use this. "Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, Jack Morris, all players who struck a balance between sauce and ball. Thats our aim this year, to find that balance. Sauce and ball."

Everyone in the Hook Line N' Sinkers organization is excited about the upcoming season as well as the fans. A new team, a new stadium which seats 1,304, and 162 games of possibilities. Its a good time to be Haliburtish.


Roscoe Stonewall is a part time columnist for The End Of The Dock and a full time 5-pin bowler. He enjoys short walks on the beach and macramé. Roscoe has written for such publications as Punjab Daily, The Official Light Bulb Lovers Magazine, and Ferns for Happiness. We are greatly indebted to him for agreeing to follow the inaugural season of the Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers.

End of the Dock Hires New Reporter

And not a moment too soon...

HALIBURTON (Haliburton Daily Press Release) - The Haliburton Daily has hired a new reporter to follow the upcoming Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers during their inaugural season. Roscoe Stonewall joins the Haliburton Daily team and the staff at the Daily as well as those at the End of the Dock would like to take this opportunity to welcome Mr. Stonewall and wish him good luck on this upcoming season.

Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers Reserve Roster and Coaching Staff

OFFICIAL COACHING STAFF

Jersey No.	Name	Position
3	Kieran Wallace	Head Coach
17	Erin Kulic	Pitching Coach
69	Jenn Luckas	Bullpen Coach
21	Michelle O’Keefe	Batting Coach
29	Sindy DeBenedictis	Bench Coach
86	Brent Finley	First Base Coach
31	Marisa Reis	Third Base Coach

OFFICIAL RESERVE ROSTER

Jersey No.	Name	Position
4	Jay Leung	IF
33	Lacey Scott	IF
90	Will North	IF
30	Chris Wevers	OF
70	John O’Kelly	OF
35	Brad North	OF

Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers Announce Starting Lineup and Pitching Roster

OFFICIAL STARTING LINE UP

Order No.	Jersey No.	Name	Position
1	9	Andrew Cooper	2B
2	20	Adam Smith	SS
3	13	Anne Cowans	CF
4	43	Brian DeWagner	RF
5	24	Arvin Kim	1B
6	11	Carlos Abrantes	LF
7	1	Natalie Wallace	3B
8	16	Courtney Thorne	C
9	34	Aiden Kennedy	SP

OFFICIAL PITCHING ROSTER

Jersey No.	Name	Position
34	Aiden Kennedy	SP
8	Sue McKay	SP
21	Sarah Quigley	SP
00	Adam Finley	SP
19	Chris Kaiser	SP
76	Jim Wardle	P
14	Chantelle Tremblay	P
7	Kris (Gramps) Vargas	P
12	Kevin Phillips	P
25	Emily Wallace	P (Closer)

Player profiles will be posted as soon as they are officially completed.

Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers Unveil New LOGO...

HALIBURTON (Haliburton Daily Press Release) - The Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers officially unveiled their team uniforms and their new logo today. The management for the team held an open contest to everyone in the area to design the logo, but they went with one of their own designs in the end. A source close to GM Colin Wallace was quoted as saying "They just didn't like any of them. Basically said they were all crap, so they used the paper for kindling to a big bonfire the other night." The community showed their depreciation to the organization's decision by putting up signs asking residents of the Haliburton region to boycott the press conference, and it seemed to have worked as there were only 11 people in attendance, 4 of those being reporters. One attendee, who did not want his name released, said "I had no clue everyone was boycotting. I can't read so the signs didn't do me any good." Representatives from the Hook Line N' Sinkers organization were not available for comment.

Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers Announce Coaching Staff

HALIBURTON (Haliburton Daily Press Release) - The Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers announced their coaching staff earlier today at a press conference on the shores of Halls Lake. GM Colin Wallace was on hand to make the official announcements and members of the coaching staff were available for questions immediately after. Transcripts of these interviews will be available at a later time.

Here is the official 2007 Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers Coaching Staff.

Head Coach - Kieran Wallace
Kieran brings experience, enthusiasm, and a desire to win to the table. He also brings some of his wife's cooking to the table in the locker room, which delights players to no end. Her world famous Irish stew has been known to calm even the most 'roid ridden player in the league. Tells it like it is and can be just as harsh as he can be nice. Never minces words but can chew the fat with any player if that player needs to talk.

Pitching Coach - Erin Kulic
This multitasker can handle three kids and a husband, so she can definitely handle a pitching staff. A great knowledge of any game she decides to play and the uncanny ability to get what she wants. She has been quoted as saying "I'll enjoy sitting in the dugout and relaxing, letting Mike take care of the kids for a while. The slow pace of baseball is exactly what I need to balance me out." Our interview was cut short by her son Luke, who wanted to watch Spiderman.

Bullpen Coach - Jenn Luckas
Doesn't have a great knowledge of baseball, but the bullpen coach doesn't really need one. Just makes sure the pitchers get warmed up. While out in the bullpen she can chat with any cute guy she sees in the stands and, hopefully, she'll meet Mr. Right in Baltimore, or Kansas City. No wait, nobody meets Mr. Right in Kansas City. Perhaps Boston?

Batting Coach - Michelle O'Keefe
Has to deal with Andrew Cooper so she must know how to lay down the law, and I'm sure she employs a bat from time to time as she lets Coop know who's boss. If she doesn't, she should. A fantastic artist, her unique approach to batting (the beauty of a swing instead of the brute force) should help each player acquire new career bests in batting average this year. Either that or they'll end up making daisy chains or doing screen printing in the on deck circle.

Bench Coach - Sindy DeBenedictis
Is there a better person to keep players motivated thru the game? A fantastic outlook on life and a killer smile, this gal knows how to keep everyone's spirits up. Had dealt with troubled kids for years and the majority of baseball players fall into this category, so this should be no problem for Sindy.

First Base Coach - Brent Finley
Not much goes into being a first base coach, and seeing as how Brent would be hungover most of the time, GM Colin Wallace has placed Brent at first base. The games are usually late so the hangover shouldn't be too big a factor, and no one really pays attention to the first base coach, so if he decided to sneak a flask out with him each inning, I'm sure no one would really notice.

Third Base Coach - Marisa Reis
Don't know Marisa that well but from what I do know, she gets excited about almost everything! A third base coach needs to go from zero to 60 in less than a second, and Marisa can do this. Plus, I think she would enjoy waving her arms frantically to signal a runner to go home. The only thing is that the game would have to wait until Marisa stopped laughing.

Scouting Report for Upcoming TBL Baseball Season

Those zany folks over at The Bleacher Life have come up with yet another fun idea and a great way for me to spend at least some of my time off, and that is to draft my friends onto my own personal MLB team. Following is a list of my friends, their "skills, abilities, and disposition" (which I'm guessing means in life and not just playing baseball), and the order in which they are drafted (or not!) I'm sure only 3 or 4 of my friends actually frequent this site so I don't really have to remind them to not take this seriously, but if anyone else comes across this, the message is the same. Don't take this seriously, only 50% of it is true, I just needed something to do on a Tuesday afternoon during my two weeks off.

With that in mind The End of the Dock presents the Scouting Report for the Upcoming TBL Baseball Season

EMILY WALLACE - Wife of GM Colin Wallace and a consummate professional if there ever was one. When this lady has a job to do she does it right. A vicious team player, Emily has the all around ability to play whatever position she wants, the knowledge to make an impact in any game she plays, and the athleticism to be a regular on any Plays of the Day segment. Unfortunately she has referred to GM Colin Wallace as a dumbass on a number of occasions, so look for her to go unpicked.

ADAM SMITH - Longtime fan of the game and loves his beer... this guy is a definite player. An easy going kind of guy who can turn up the intensity when needed, although he doesn't feel the need to often. Isn't rattled by too much and makes the drive to Mississauga to see his friends so you know he has good range. A righty that can't turn around and bat left, but that shouldn't stop him from being taken high in the draft.

SUE McKAY - Varsity level athlete who can read the game with uncanny ability. Has played basketball, volleyball, and run track all at high levels. Has a history of injuries though, including her left forearm (she's a lefty) and an ankle that is still not 100%. She has been doing some off season training and her schooling in Athletic Therapy should help her manage anything that comes her way this season.

JIM WARDLE - A quality athlete who talks a good game, but backs his words up. You could play dueling banjos on his tight hammys but he's a pro, he'll take care of that problem before opening day. Has the ability to get under an opponent's skin like no other, and can frequently piss off a teammate, but at the end of the day you'll know where his loyalties lie.

CHANTELLE FINLEY - Great with her hands, but grew up playing hockey and is used to that fast paced action and not the pace of a baseball game. An impatient hitter who has walked back to the dugout on a 2-0 count claiming she was bored that the pitcher hadn't thrown anything in the strike zone yet. When the batting coach tried to explain the concept of a plate appearance to her she snapped. He is now just starting to chew his meals again. She may have temper issue, but like I said, she's got good hands.

ANDREW COOPER - Has worked with young children and autistic individuals most of his post-secondary career and has been a lifetime Leafs fan so you know he has the patience most players, Chantelle Finley included, wish they had. Hasn't traveled much so the strains of a long season on the road could be a factor in his first year in the league should he be drafted. Arguably has one of the tightest bums of any of the up and comers, which should help boost the female attendees at any home or away game, which is something MLB could use.

AIDEN KENNEDY - The highest touted pitching prospect but so was Babe Ruth, and he went on to hit 714 dingers and had a lifetime average of .342, so we'll see how Kennedy's future is decided on draft day. Has a cannon for a right arm and throws a wicked slider, although doesn't always listen to his coach and throws the slider at will. Batting style a la Rickey Henderson with the speed of a Cecil Fielder (who managed to steal a few in his time). Has been a lifetime Athletics fan which could hurt his chances of a high pick on draft day.

BRIAN DeWAGNER - Has played for the Angels until he was suspended for attending a barn party while wearing his jersey. Has never been one for the rules but gets the job done, most of the time with his pants on, but sometimes bare ass. Loves the comfort of a Greyhound, and revels in the opportunity to feel the cool grass of a stadium between his toes. Has been known to take his shoes off for an inning each game earning him the nickname the Barefoot Bum. Also has been known to stash a tall can of Sierra Nevada in the crack between the pads of the outfield wall, which most managers frown on, but he maintains he plays better with a "sunset buzz." GM's may be wary to draft him after this scouting report comes out, but there has been word that GM Colin Wallace of the Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers employed the same tactics in his day, so look for this Barefoot Bum to be sporting the Haliburton colours at the end of the day.

ADAM FINLEY - He has been cross training like mad this off season playing indoor hockey and ultimate frisbee, which has gotten him in good shape. A very focused player who gets the job done and doesn't waver, Adam is a great addition to any team. Spent most of his cross training playing defense, which could help him go high in the draft for any team looking to fill a gap in their defensive setup. The kid has a great eye at the plate and spends his time training for this by taking pictures, which he posts on his site for GMs and scouts to see.

ANNE COWANS - Great at PR and talking to the media, and she's not hard to look at either. Very athletic individual who can adapt to any situation and fit in with anyone that you'd think they have been best friends for life. Had a great career as a softball pitcher but loved the sauce so much she drank herself out of the game. Trying to make a comeback but has been quoted as saying "I love the game. I love everything about the game so much that I had to make a decision. It was either the game or the sauce. I chose the game." (It should be noted that Ms. Cowans was very protective of her water bottle and seemed to slur her words more towards the end of the interview.)

CARLOS ABRANTES - Boyfriend of the sister of GM Colin Wallace, so look for him to be part of the Haliburton family, lest Mr. Wallace wants to not be a part of his family at day's end. Great soccer player with good stamina and the ability to knock the tar out of someone in one shot. It is this quality that has catcher's trembling when Carlos is heading full steam towards home. Proud recipient of the Jose Canseco Highlight of the Year Award in '99, when Carlos, while a fellow teammate was being intentionally walked, broke for home after the catcher, Clayton McVolvo, had caught ball three. They collided at home in a horrific meeting of skulls and Clayton was left motionless for 3 months. One player described the incident as such: "The shattering of Clayton's cranium was so loud that 14 fans in the upper deck threw up. Personally, a bone in my right hand and 3 of my ribs broke because I was so close to the sound of the collision." Look for Carlos to go top 3 as catchers have already been pressuring their GMs to pick him or else they walk.

JOHN O'KELLY - A crazy Irishman who can dance up a mean storm. He'll be a hit on the road with the ladies. Has no problem hitting on ladies on the road too. Has had UFC training so look for him to hit some of his opponents if need be. Flew all the way from Ireland to Canada for a friend's wedding so you know his loyalties will be strong for whatever team he plays for. Can take a lot of pain and has the scars to prove it

KEVIN PHILLIPS - Another soccer player with the ability to play other sports too. This guy's energy levels are never in doubt, and his knack of handling a high workload is proven making him a quality pick. Loves to take his clothes off after a few drinks which could put him in trouble with the law early on in the season, but those who know GM Colin Wallace and his history will be expecting him to pick KP on draft day. Although us scouts have been wrong before.

COURTNEY THORNE - A linguistics professional who can rape you physically AND verbally, Courtney is a force to be reckoned with. She is also a very competitive individual who does not take losing lightly, making it very frustrating for her opponents to win back to back games against her pitchers. The verbal rapage she doles out doesn't hurt either.

STEPHEN HUNT - Great kid who has World Championship and Olympic Gold Medals slung around his sharp, bony shoulders. Stephen has a great arm but has been known to be a clutz on the bases, as his shoes sometimes end up on the wrong feet. A solid pick for any club but as a native from Sweden he will have trouble with the English language.

ARVIN KIM - The only power hitter with a bigger soft spot in his heart than on his 42" bat. Some scouts might say that this could hurt Arvin in key at bats, but those are the scouts that haven't seen Arvin in the gym. He's a ferocious f*&!(@ with arms the size of sequoias and he knows how to use them. Great patience and has been known to squeeze water from a baseball at a Diamondbacks game.

CHRIS WEVERS - The only thing slower than Wevers speaking is the opposing pitcher's ability to figure him out at the plate. A football man trying to make his name as a baseball player such as the great Bo Jackson and the not so great Deion Sanders.

NATALIE WALLACE - Cousin of GM Colin Wallace, and triple jumper extraordinaire. Natalie's knowledge of nutrition should keep her healthy for the entire season, and her streak of 1,637 game played is 3rd all time. She strikes out frequently and busts a gut laughing about it which is why she has not been a very consistent hitter, but her prowess in the field in incomparable.

CHRIS KAISER - Has seen his career go in a slow nose dive in recent years with the excess drinking and smoking, but has vowed to turn it around and give fame and glory one more shot.

JAY LEUNG - This Chinese sensation has been tearing up every league he's been in, and has been doing it wearing khaki's. Each league has tried to force him to wear regulation pants, even threatening to suspend him, but attendance drops when he's not playing so its just not an option.

SARAH QUIGLEY - A smart cookie who can give you the verbal rapage just as good as Thorne, and who loves to party just as much too. Has been fined millions over the years as she is constantly late for games and practices because she takes about 4 hours to get ready for a game.

KIERAN WALLACE - GM Colin Wallace will have a tough time this draft day as he has a few family members participating in the draft. Makes for awkward holidays when you get offered the smallest chicken wing and a Coors Light for your dinner. Kieran has a great knowledge of the game, having spent time with national level athletes and playing hurling (national sport of Ireland) at an elite level. Having spent the last few years on the golf course instead of the diamond Kieran may be the man to manage the Haliburton Hook Line N' Sinkers to their first winning season in 18 years.

I AM the Philadelphia Phillies.

Recently, a good friend had a post on his blog in which he compared his friends to MLB teams. Needless to say, I am now the proud owner of an official 59FIFTY Philadelphia Phillies chapeau, and damn if it doesn't fit so good. SO good.

The only people I know that have a Phillies lid are those that live in the city of brotherly love. Well, add one more to that list. I've been sporting the colours since Saturday and I, honestly, have never been prouder of a cap than this one. Can you blame me? The hat is a tribute not to the current Phillies team, but to the Phillies of past years. Players such as Lenny Dykstra, John Kruk, Darren Dalton, and the ubergreat Mike Schmidt. I put on the cap and I can almost feel the dirt from third base under my cleats and the tickle of tiny whiskers under my nose a la Schmidt.

While I was searching for a Phillies hat (they are harder to come by than you would think) I heard one of the best quotes that I have probably ever heard in my 28 plus years. Honestly, the 6 words I heard resonated so hard that it made me miss the person described in the statement so much that it almost hurt. Those six words were "Cooper IS the '93 Blue Jays." The words came just after I had explained to my friend why I had decided to bust my ass and try to find a Phillies hat (a notion he probably thought was ludicrous but, as good friends do, supported me throughout my endeavor).

EVERYBODY needs a Cooper. Just being around him makes people feel good. Kinda like being a fan of the '93 Jays when a ticket to a game wasn't just an excuse to eat an overpriced hot dog, it was a chance to be a part of something amazing. Kinda like seeing a Paul Molitor at bat, or an amazing play by Robbie Alomar, it can't be compared to anything. Neither can Coop.

I thank my lucky stars for Coop. I thank my lucky stars for all my friends.

Its a good life.

Sue McKay is a thief...

But not really...


While writing an exam the other day I felt a sneeze coming on. I deformed my face as one does during the initial stages of a sneeze, and braced myself. Like I said, I was writing an exam, so I attempted to keep my sneeze as quiet as possible so as not to completely disturb my classmates. I reared my head back slightly, and it snapped forward as the contents of my lungs (should have) expunged itself. Something strange happened though and, as far as I can remember and I think one would have a good memory of this, my sneeze actually turned into a small cough at the last second. I sat there with, I'm sure, a puzzled look on my face. Had anyone been looking at me, I'm sure it would've been a strange thing to see. Screwed up face, rearing back of cranium, violent snap forward, small cough. I had lost my sneeze. I looked on the ground (actually did that) and it wasn't there. It wasn't on my desk. Dammit! Where was my damn sneeze. The next 27 hours passed and the damn thing didn't turn up. It felt kinda like I had just lost my debit card in the house, and I KNEW it was in the house, but no matter how hard I looked I couldn't come across it.

A couple friends came over the next day and as we were sitting around chatting my friend, Sue, suddenly, out of complete no where, sneezed! She immediately seemed surprised as there was no warning of a sneeze for her. She was laughing and then BOOM!! SNEEZE!!! I immediately looked up at her, as I recognized the complete and utter shock on her face, knowing full well that sneeze was not expected! "YOU FOUND MY SNEEZE! THERE IT IS!!" Odd thing to hear after you sneeze as Bless You is probably the more appropriate response, but once I explained it I felt much better. I had found my sneeze. It was in Sue! That was the last place I would've thought to look. Well... maybe not the last place. Perhaps in someone I've never met before, someone like the Pope, yeah, that would've been the last place. Anyways, I feel good now. Honestly, as soon as I recognized that look on her face it might as well have been me that sneezed. I even wiped my nose.

MORAL: Lose your sneeze? Check your friends. They can be thieves too.

Insert Title Here...

I have been having a hard time lately. As I try to begin writing I find that the words I am looking for are not coming as easily as I would want them to, which makes me more frustrated, which in turn delays the words further. Ever driven on the 401 or Gardiner during rush hour? Thats how my head is functioning right now, if you can even call that functioning. I'm stuck in that lane that never seems to be moving as fast as the others, and when it does start moving some jackass in a Jag cuts in front of me and my brakes are slammed on. Giving him the finger just gives me a small moment of relief, but then its right back to where I started.

I can't pinpoint when it started, but it was around the start of January-ish, around the time 2nd semester started. Also, I can't pinpoint where this all-around mental block came from. I'm sure it was due to a number of factors such as a heavy school load, too many years of post-secondary education building up, long days, a flood in the apartment causing us to move a couple weeks later, the move itself, financial stuff, a serious lack of exercise and even the time to do it (I couldn't do it most days even if I wanted to, which I do), and other everyday life stuff. But thats just it. Its just regular life stuff. We all get busy, tired, flustered with financial burdens and we all face difficult periods whether they are spontaneous (I'll use the example of a flood) or not. So why is all this stuff affecting me so much? Why has it been dragging me down so much? Its hard to describe the mental impact this has had on me because everyone is just so different. Physically it would resemble climbing, getting ready to shoot up at a crux, and trying to hold on to that overhang for just one more second so you can finally find a good spot for your right foot, or your left hand, just so you can top out and name the damn bastard, but gravity just won't let you. The route never becomes a "future problem thats no longer in the future" (only hippies can say stuff like that and get away with it... Josh Lowell fans would know what I'm talking about).

You know what, I sound like an ass. This paragraph should precede what I just wrote but I just thought of this stuff now, so this is where it goes. There are definite things in my life which give me tons of inspiration and motivation, even clarity. My BEAUTIFUL AMAZING wife Emily. The love I have for that woman is beyond anything my literary prowess could describe... I'm seriously not that good, not at all. Just know that she keeps me going. I love her so much it scares me sometimes. Then there is Ollie. As I write that fat cat's name I smile and get one of many uberfantastic mental images of that guy. He makes me want to come home and he makes this house a home. Oh, and my family is amazing. My parents are the two most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to be in the company of and, no bragging here, just the truth, I've traveled enough to be in the company of many people, good and bad. They win. Hands down. So I do have a lot of amazing things in my life.

But I feel like I'm missing something. There is an internal gap that feels like its starting to push everything further and further apart, to the point where I can't seem to find the thought I'm looking for, or it takes me too long for my liking.

I realized what it was tonight. I have no clue where it came from but I'm hoping its a turn around point. I don't really have a passion for anything right now. I mean, Athletic Therapy is definitely a passion of mine, but when it is accompanied by assignments and ridiculous courses like any one of the 6 psychology courses I have taken in my 3 years at Sheridan it becomes a chore. Those courses are such a waste of time that I don't want to try anymore, honestly, I really couldn't give a rats ass, or the ass of any other rodent for that matter, about those courses. I can do well in them if I want. I can do it but why? Honestly. Why? Tangent, sorry. Where was I? Passion! Thats it. I need it back. I'm craving it. It used to be running, and I think I need to get back to that now. Just plain exercise and working out and nearly killing myself in workouts. I love it! I thrive on that, its probably the best feeling you could have, or at the very least, the best feeling I could have. This summer is going to be a summer of climbing. My schedule will definitely fit it. I'll make my schedule fit it. One of the great things about having a car is that it can take you places when you want it to. Eddie will be my savior this summer.

I feel I have more to write, but I'll end this post here. Its a 'to be continued' kind of post I guess. Here's to hoping the summer comes quickly. What does the Weather Network say about this weekend?